In other news, my father thinks that my diabetes might be comin on...I told him that I've hardly been dealin with sugar and that it gives me headaches and stuff....And that I've been eatin healthier than I ever have before...And then he made a good point, both my mother and my father's side have diabetes by heredity....Therefore it's not a question of "if" I'll have, but a instead a question of "when"....
I happened to tell this to Tiff today, and she said something that kinda stuck with me all day....She said, "You can't be sick. You have to be the one that gives hugs when we're sick"...She really was upset, I caught her eyes get a little glassy but she tried to fight it...or at least it seemed that way...
I dunno, that kinda summed up everything as far as my life goes...Its like I was always supposed to be that rock that everyone leans on...Mine was the number everyone called late at night when they needed someone just to talk to and not talk with....I was always the one that had all the right advise and all the deciding influence in everyone else's lives....And throughout the years, I've been something like "typecasted" into this role...The father-figure amongst ourselves...
They've never seen me angry...They've never seen me depressed...They've only seen me as what I've allowed them to see...They've only seen me for what they've allowed me alow them to see...
Damn
I guess that's where it is...I was hesitant to go against the grain of my own being...Anything different from my "job description" wouldn't cut it and, in turn, wouldn't make for official showing....And when I do try to let a little of "me" out there, many times it gets good reponse...many times its just thrown to the wayside...
I make up for it in finding friends for that particular part of "me"...One group of poetry folks....One group of spiritual...one group for everyday/social...And whatever else may come my way...And now that I see it written here...it seems taht my problem is that I'm dividing myself into certain modes for certain groups....
A house divided cannot stand....
I've learned to grow closer to some and further from others...But have yet to make it all work out somehow in the long run...But I'm gettin there...
I wasn't expecting that long drawn out entry, and it's still yet to be complete i guess...But i learned to realize some stuff just now...I have class...I'll update a gain a little later....