And so, my friends....It seems that not to long after my first entry of the day, I've had quite a few sporatic fits of typographical hyperactivity.....I can't seem to stop thinking of entries to write.....This one here, is dedicated to you guys....People....More specifically, the people which I know and interact with.....
You see, for as long as I could remember, I found that i was everyone's friend, no matter race, creed, or religion....it was just fact that I got along with EVERYBODY....and at the same time...There were people who I could just NOT like, for no particular reason....but "just 'cause"....There was always that sense of understanding I held towards anyone......
As time progressed, I realized that I had a knack for picking out the "Bad Apples" from the rest of the people with no problem at all....And at the same time, I could interact with those same people with no problem....I could "feel them out"...Sense what they're about..etc....Hence my myriad of aquaintences from a myriad of backgrounds....They range from Pretty Boys to the Thugs, from the Posh to the Hood Rat (excuse the expression)....I was able to tap into them and understand them all.....
So then I started thinking...."Well, why is it that I have trouble really connecting with people?"....And then I realized that i just don't let myself do that....I realized that, in venturing so deep into a person and establishing that connection, I'd become attached....And for fear of the ache of having to break that attachment, it's like a defense mchanism where I only go so far as being able to maintain conversation, and that's it.....
The only thing that I really hold back from my relationships with people is myself....or at least portions of myself, only to the point where that doesn't affect others as much as it does, me.....It's for that reason why I can understand why someone is hurting, but have not the capacity to shed tears when I should....
Now that I'm really thinking about it, its really weird how it's all making sense now....I mean, growing up, I was always asked for advice....And it felt so natural telling them what is to be done, and explaining why....as if I were them, looking from an outside view....connected enough to give good advisement, but not too much to let emotions or subjectivity get in the way....People who I only know for a few days tell me ALL they're business and let lose a few closet skeletons to me because they just feel they can trust me and "I dunno...I feel like you can understand me".....
I kinda forgot where I was going with all this, but basically, what I DO know that I'm trying to say is that, well, this whole time, i always thought there was something wrong with me because I wouldn't talk to certain people, or would only talk limitedly, or simply uneased by my swift understanding of people....But in all actuality....I already knew the person before I actually knew the person, whether I knew it or not.....