Today, like most, was mundane...failing to stimulate my desire to live...sounds suicidal, but i must disclaim that notion, you see, though i am large in frame, i am like those children you see on the television on sunday afternoons, or late at night, those skinney, malnurished children...you see...i'm jsut as malnurished, maybe not with food, but with life....it lacks spice, it lacks difference, it lacks excitement...the reason to live is to experience difference, to feel emotions, to know what it is to be another person by only remembering how u felt when u went through the same thing taht they're going thru now, THATS life...

I hunger greatly for love...i know it sounds pathetic, but it's true, i like most humans, need another to accept me for who i am, to love me for who i am, to feel that without me there is nothing, and in return, i give them taht mutual feeling...love is the most beautiful thing that can ever happen to one's life, though it is hard to know when this emotion is felt, it is certain, that one would never want to forget it....

I miss love...thre are times where, i truly feel that it doesnt' miss me though...that it sits, mocking me, staring at me from between every other couple, illustrating to me that i can never have what they have...that first i must find a love...and after to many tries...i truly wish to give up my search...love is a stray emotion...it makes its own decisions...giving no choice to anyone else that encounter's it...unfortunately, love doesn't like me...but i like love....and i guess, thats my fault....

if any of this is jumbled, or jsut doens't make any sense...its because i'm falling asleep even as i type....on taht note...i'm going to end this entry...

Christopher / Entries / Feedback / Bon Apetite (03.14.02)