I spend a few days at my cousin's house...Then I proceed to North Carolina...Then by the end of that week, I shall be back in New York...
Now that I think about it...even though I've been away from there for a while...And as much as I wanna get outta here...I still don't have that "Westbury is my place" feel to it...In retrospect, I never really did, but I never really lived anywhere else other than Queens, but I moved from there when I was 6....Even then, I feel more complete there than in Westbury...Maybe not as familiar...But still more complete...
You know, I always felt like a guest in my own home...I felt like a guest that's only been there for a few weeks...Like, I had special privileges and allowances, but I would feel no different spending time at another relative's house...Even when I went back for Christmas, I realized how "off" I felt when I was home...Felt like I had no established place there...Even in my room....felt like I was just borrowing it...
All that to say, it's gonna be a weird feeling staying somewhere I don't feel I belong, and having to call it home for 3 months...It'll be interesting, but still weird...I have this feeling though, that I'm gonna feel better when I get back to school next Fall...I'll be in Detroit, so the setting is new, as I will be new...A kind of symbiotic growth as the years pass...Would I stay there?...Now, let's not get ahead of ouselves...Heck, I've yet to take all my final exams at this school as of yet...But nonetheless, I do anticipate starting a new life, as it were, thus having a place I can really and sincerely call my own...Not because I'm told it is...But because I know it is...
I'm probably rambling, but it's just that I can't fight this feeling of "empty"...Like, I'm here and all, and I have a good idea of who I am, or at least try to, but there is still something missing...And I guess that's an official "home"...I know Westbury is only temporary, or at least the house I lived in is temporary, so stability for myself there doesn't really show...Again, it's familiar...I can go there, stay there, live there, and I'll be alright...But yet and still, familiarity wouldn't quench the feeling that there's someplace else...
Maybe it's the traveler in me...Or maybe the curious cat in me that'll ask questions a million times...But whatever it is...I'm not going home this summer for vacation...No....
I'm just paying that town a visit....