I took a nap yesterday afternoon before my 6:30 class...When I fell asleep, I had a dream starring my mother...We were driving somewhere...From what I understand, I was dropping her off somewhere and she was my navigator since I was behind the wheel...There is such thing as being a bad navigator, and apparantly that was the case here because we got into an arguement when I got frustrated and began looking at the map myself...It doesn't sound like much, but when I argue with my mother, please believe it's a serious shouting match...That's when I woke up a little disturbed...See, before I left home, we'd go at it just about everyday...And at one point it would be over the most minute of things...It got to the point that I'd avoid speaking to her out of neccessity for the simple sake of keeping peace...and even that wasn't enough at times....So when I had this dream, it brought back every little bit of tension, animosity, and just straight frustration that I left in NY or, rather, at home.....
Second dream...I don't recall to well, I'm probably gonna spend some time after this trying to remember and write it in one of my notebooks....But it starred Kika and Judi-Ann...All I can remember thus far is that Kika and I were at a McDonalds you would find at Wal-Mart or something...And she was sitting at one of the tables while I was ordering food...When I was coming back with the food though, all the tables and chairs were being pushed against each other, intentionally blocking my way....I remember having to climb over the chairs and tables to get to where Kika was sitting...What made it weird was that she saw all this but didn't seem to find any of it odd, she was watching me maneuver around with this "stop-wasting-time" look on her face...No one there seemed to find any of it odd except me....After that, it all goes a little fuzzy...I remember the scene changed and she and I were sitting somewhere else now and I was saying something to her (apparently it was the middle of some conversation)...And I remember looking over her shoulder to see Judi-Ann sitting in a chair by herself with a smile on her face...When she noticed that I was there, she simply looked at me with this big grin on her face, waving, and said, "Hi Chris!"...That's all I remember...Then I woke up kinda wierded out...That dream felt funny to me...like I need to be paying special attention to it...
But yeah, I tried to go back to sleep, but after two odd dreams in a row, it's hard to find peace of mind too easily....They all seem so real, it's hard to pass them off as anything otherwise until a good time after...Countless times I'll wake up and go about my business, only to wake up right then and there realizing the first awakening was still a dream...Countless times I've had dreams that continue from others and I know people that only exist in my sleep...How assuring is that when you can't tell if things are real or fake anymore?...You become a little critical about everything and that becomes a little un-nerving at times...sometimes it can be numbing....
And that's what happens to me almost every time I try to rest...I have some sort of dream that just leaves my mind going all day/night long...Usually it's one where I die one way or another...But every now and then, I get ones like these last two that just stand out further than a typical dream....Whatever kind they may be, they all disturb me, worry me, or raise my anxiety level if even just a little bit....
I sleep not because I want to...But only because I have to....