Had a rather frightening experience last night...it came in the form of a nightmare, or dream, depending on how u look at it...from what i can rememeber i was sitting on my bed with a gun in my hand...i was looking at it...staring at it...as if i was reading every inch of its heavy metal casing...i rememebr thoughts running through my head, but cannot remember what they were...for all i know, they were most likely thoughts of doubt, sadness, assurance, or resolution...but it appeared that whatever they were, they didn't have any weight compared to the decision i was about to make...nothing did anymore...next thing i know, i place the glistening piece of deliverance in my mouth, close my eyes...and in a moment of time far less than a second, my whole life was placed before my eyes, every conversation, every emotion, every thought, veiwed as one big jumble, yet somehow, quite clear and distinct...and as i pulled the trigger, i instantly dropped, but the gun was shot from inside my mouth, it was now pointed into my temple...i guess to clear my mind from my stressors...and then laying down, prostrate on my death bed, i realized that i had made a mistake, that i was sorry, but whom?...myself?...thats when it hit me...Would I ever forgive myself for killing myself?...knowing that i'd do it in my sleep, the place where truth manifests? can i trust myself anymore, knowing what it is that i would like to do to myself, and the only thing stopping me is lessons learned not emotions felt?