About 4-5 years ago, I met this girl, by the name of Christina Theodule, I don't know exactly how I met her or who first introduced me to her, but to be quite honest, none of that really mattered because the fact taht I met her was far more important....As years went on, she and I grew close and had our own little bond seperate from everyone else....
She looked up to me like an older brother...Every time I came home to Westbury, she would be one of the first people I would see and check up on....When I spoke to her you can see in her eyes how she hung off of every word I said and when she spoke, you can see that same vibrant enthusiasm even brighter...I've told her many times how pretty she was, and I always made sure to tell her that it was her eyes that I loved most....They were full of life...Full of dreams...Full of ambition...Many people have their own ambitions, but when you saw her, you could feel hers.....I could feel hers, and she could too...
I cannot begin to count how many nights we would all chill over at her house and just talk about whatever....And even while others were having their own seperate conversations, she would always have something to say especially to me or for me or wanted my opinion or advice on....
We had our own special bond....
But 2 weeks ago, 2 days after Christina celebrated her 18th birthday, she was one of 3 passengers who died in a car accident on her way back from Manhatten...The passengers were Christina, her friend Emily, her cousin Amy, Quanne Tomlinson, his friend from Florida, and the driver Richie Hall (he died a fews days ago of his injuries and his funeral is tomorrow)...It was all over the news, but I knew nothing about it until later that afternoon when I received 4 voicemail messages saying that there was an accident and that she never made it...What makes it so surreal is that I had came home that previous Saturday partly to see her on her 18th birthday....so it just didn't register that she was gone....
That following Thursday was her wake and as I looked at the casket, all I could think to myself was that the body there looked nothing like the Christina I knew with the beautiful eyes....It resembled her, but deep down I knew and know that it wasn't her....it couldn't be her...I didn't feel that bond like I would with my Christina....
But I did know that my Christina has passed...And I did know that I would not see her again in this lifetime...And even as I still don't want to admit it, I did know that the girl in the casket perhaps was my Christina....And as much as I did and do know, I think that I choose not remember it...I think maybe that I just somewhat understand it...I understand her having died....
When I received those 4 messages, by the end of the 4th message, I had almost fully come to grips with the situation and put it as a part of my past...I was sad, yes....but I knew that it was her time to leave from this life...something far beyond my control and complete understanding...something only One greater than myself can fully understand....
Writing this now, I think that's what it is....The girl in the casket really isn't my Christina...Perhaps she may have been, once upon a time, but no longer...And that is why I didn't feel her in there....See, my Christina is gone...
...just not gone too far