Growing up...There was this board game I used to play with my mother...Chutes and Ladders...You spin the arrow on the wheel of numbers...Whichever number it falls on, that's how many spaces you move...If the space has the bottom of a ladder in it, you move up to the space the ladder ends...If you land on a space at the top of a chute (a slide), then you have to go ALL the way back down to where the slide ends....You can be near the end of the game, and have like 5 spaces left, but if one of those is a chute and you happen to land on it...Please believe you'll be playing longer than you expected......
I swear I'm trying...I'm really trying not to be down...depression?...It seems to be the new emotional thing nowadays...I know about 3-4 people off the top of my head really really going through something hard from one degree to another...But either way...I'm trying hard not to be an additional...And it's hard to console somebody when you're feeling the same way...How can you make someone else feel better when you can't even make yourself?...Feels like you're telling a lie...Because it's almost force of habit to say that everything is gonna be alright...But when you know deep down, that it sure enough doesn't feel that way...It's like dealing with an Athiest Preacher...its's just not right....
And I may not be as severe as some or maybe I am...I tell myself that I'm not and try to convince myself I'm not...How can you be sad if you believe you aren't, right?...And I'll feel fine during the day, but when it's late night, and I don't have things to distract me...it's a different story...So then when it's on and off...maybe it's not depression and it's just the common blues...But then why do I show signs of depression...not 1 or 2....But I'm talkin about confirming almost every symptom....They say that most people don't even know they have it...
I was brought up to deal with my problems because there is always someone with more, so I should be thankful...I was brought up that something as serious as that, it can't be me, so I'm only imagining it...I was brought up that I have other things to take care of...I was brought up, basically, that there is no time to be in need...Either it's not real, or someone is in need even more....
I really thought that, well, maybe it was just a short spurt thing...But it's been going on for a few months now, and I'm only just now really paying more attention to it...I thought I had it licked 'cause I felt alright...But I guess I was wrong...I was brought up playing Chutes and Ladders...There's no specific set of moves to get to the end...Some get lucky and land on a ladder....Some aren't as fortunate and land on a chute...
Then there's those like me...We land on a ladder, think we're about to leave this game...only to land on a chute and plummet back down to the beginning...And we go at it and spin again...Make our way up, and slide back down, over and over like a viscious cycle...And the only thing that seems more definate then finishing is starting all over again...
I always did hate that game....